No marriage is a bed of roses. Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner. I am sure you would have all heard that happily ever after is not the conclusion of a marriage, it is a choice that you make.There will be good times and difficult times in this relationship but with love, patience and courage one can overcome these difficulties. The more time one spends on their marriage the better it will be. If we think love and relationship will fall into our lap then we are wrong. Love is a VERB, one has to learn how to give it and with time it will grow. Love is something you do; the sacrifices you make, the giving of self.
Marriage like anything else needs nourishing and there are certain reminders and rules that will help to revive our relationship.
Make your partner your best friend
Communication is the key to any relationship but is the binding for any marriage. Whatever happens communicate openly. Never listen to what a 3rd person said about you two. Make your partner your best friend. Friends are the best people to live with and they understand your short comings, give you credit where it’s due and criticize you rightly. At the end of your day share how you spent the day, ask your spouse how they spent the day, show interest in what’s important for them. Don’t assume that your partner understands all your moods, men usually wouldn’t even notice that their wife is unhappy. They need to be told.
According to John Gottman, Ph.D, a psychologist:
Communication is the key to any relationship but is the binding for any marriage. Whatever happens communicate openly. Never listen to what a 3rd person said about you two. Make your partner your best friend. Friends are the best people to live with and they understand your short comings, give you credit where it’s due and criticize you rightly. At the end of your day share how you spent the day, ask your spouse how they spent the day, show interest in what’s important for them. Don’t assume that your partner understands all your moods, men usually wouldn’t even notice that their wife is unhappy. They need to be told.
According to John Gottman, Ph.D, a psychologist:
"It is the simple truth that happy marriages are based on deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for each other's company, plus an intimate knowledge of each other's quirks, likes and dislikes.”Ask yourself if you would treat a friend the way you sometimes treat your spouse. Would you criticize or put down? Would you always be trying to change them? Sometimes if we treated our friends the way we treat our spouse, we wouldn't have many friends. Make your spouse your best friend and the most important person in the world to you. Work to make him or her happy rather than better. Nurture that friendship by doing some of the things suggested here. You know yourself and your spouse best, so think of other ways you can strengthen your friendship and your marriage. With some effort and creativity, you can keep your spouse as your best friend for life!
Remember it only takes two to tango
Never let anyone interfere in your relationship, marriage
is a 2 way relationship, there is no space for a third one, never allow a 3rd
person to enter your relationship even if they are your parents. You are the
only one who knows your partner more than anyone. Your parents know your spouse
as a 3rd person and no matter what you do, your actions will always
be justified and preferred over your partner’s. Keep your relationship stresses
to yourself.
Pay attention to each other
Do not take each other for granted. Never ignore each other at a function or meeting. Take time out to glance and smile at each in social gatherings. have extreme respect for each other. Call each other with respect at home and in front of others. it will not only make you feel happier but will help other people to pick up relationship vibes. It is well known that children learn to love from their parents and the best gift a father can give to his children is to love their mother.
Do not take each other for granted. Never ignore each other at a function or meeting. Take time out to glance and smile at each in social gatherings. have extreme respect for each other. Call each other with respect at home and in front of others. it will not only make you feel happier but will help other people to pick up relationship vibes. It is well known that children learn to love from their parents and the best gift a father can give to his children is to love their mother.
Find similar interests
No two people are alike in this world, if a couple tells
you they are very much alike they mean they have developed similar likings and
it takes time. If one likes black & the other likes white the relationship
will work better as differences will bring a variety to the relationship. Just
accept and love the way the other one is. Learn to do things together. You
might not enjoy the activities of your spouse but the time you spend together
will help to build a better relationship. Learn to love your spouse activities,
variety helps you to develop yourself and your relationship.
Make time for
fun. Having fun together is essential to keeping the glow going in your
marriage. In your busy lives, that may take a little planning. Some things
continue to be fun, but others may get to be boring. Add to the fun things you
do in your marriage. Try and shake up the familiar patterns. You and your
spouse can each make a list of fun activities you like to do. Choose one thing
from your spouse's list. Have them choose one from yours. Schedule the
activities. Each spouse takes responsibility to plan the activity chosen from
the partner's list. Make the scheduled activities a priority.
Get rid of your EGO
Ego is the worst enemy of a happy marriage. It decreases
your respect in the eyes of your spouse and everyone else. If there is an
argument let your spouse to win the argument. No one is superior in this
relationship. Never sleep or get out of house if there has been an argument or
a misunderstanding. Cool your head, sit and talk without bringing up the past
or your in-laws. Remember honesty is the best policy. Never hesitate in an
apology if you have made a mistake. Your relationship is far more important
than your ego and your actions should show so. Forgive and forget each other’s
mistakes, nobody is perfect.
Try not to hurt, threat or blame each other. It decreases
your emotional bank account.
Stephen Covey introduced the term emotional bank account
as an account of trust instead of money. It’s an account based on how safe we
feel with another person. The emotional units that Covey speaks of are centered
around trust. When we make emotional deposits into someone’s bank account,
their fondness, trust, and confidence in us grows. And as a result our
relationship develops and grows. If we can keep a positive reserve in our
relationships, by making regular deposits, there will be greater tolerance for
our mistakes and we’ll enjoy open communication with that person. On the
contrary, when we make withdrawals and our balance becomes low or even
overdrawn, bitterness, mistrust and discord develops. If we are to salvage the
relationship, we must make a conscious effort to make regular deposits.
Keep each other informed about your where about
If a partner is coming home late due to some reason you must call home and let your spouse know why will you be late. Plan ahead so that each other’s families commitments can be met.
If a partner is coming home late due to some reason you must call home and let your spouse know why will you be late. Plan ahead so that each other’s families commitments can be met.
Develop each other mentally, physically, spiritually and
emotionally
Get into the habit of exercising together. Read and share
books, inspirational stories and anecdotes. Encourage and help each other to grow
together. It brings synergy to the relationship. Growth of both partners leads
to the synergistic equation: 1 plus 1 equals 11.
When this equation is applied, the 'me' perspective morphs into the universal 'we' condition. The result is that every effort happens exponentially for the common good.
Help each other in right things and don’t support in
wrong and anti-moral activities. Develop mutual sense of values, they will go a
long way.
Never allow your family or friends to speak against your
spouse.
Husband and wife are the greatest asset to each other, take care of your greatest asset. Whatever you say about your spouse will be the unwritten law by which the family will deal with them. Being one unit you don’t want anyone to speak ill of your best friend. If you are angry with your partner, keep everyone else away from your argument. One ill word from your mouth will foster up a whole new disease without you knowing. Share your best moments with everyone.
Husband and wife are the greatest asset to each other, take care of your greatest asset. Whatever you say about your spouse will be the unwritten law by which the family will deal with them. Being one unit you don’t want anyone to speak ill of your best friend. If you are angry with your partner, keep everyone else away from your argument. One ill word from your mouth will foster up a whole new disease without you knowing. Share your best moments with everyone.
Your relationship is unique, don’t compare it with anyone
else’s
Your friend seems to have the perfect partner and you
start to tell your partner that they need to be like so and so. The
relationship that you see from a distance might seem to be ideal but your own
relationship is special in so many other ways. Learn to improve your
relationship without bringing a third person in. Partners never like to be compared
to someone else.
If men forget birthdays and anniversaries (most of the
husbands never remember these dates) don’t spoil your precious day, take the
initiative yourself. Women tend to sulk and spoil their most memorable moments
and stress that their friend’s partners are so much more romantic than theirs.
Adopt the ways that you want to see in your partner and tell them what you
would like.
Rekindle your love
The courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it
should continue through all the years. Make it a ritual to spend your
anniversaries as anni-moons. Go away together for at least a couple of days to
rekindle your love. Leave your kids with your parents. Have a candle light
dinner once a week only with each other. Every night before sleeping say, ‘I
love you’ and ‘good night’ with a kiss. Make it a habit to hug each other at
least once a day. Give small surprises. Make a cup of tea, a note of I love
you, take a gift e.g. a rose, or make a nice phone call. Don’t wait for
specific days it doesn’t cost much but the effect is tremendous.
Give unconditional love without demand. If one doesn’t
say I love you, other one can say so.
According to Huffington post, ‘When we embrace someone, oxytocin (also known as 'the cuddle hormone') is released making us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. this chemical has also been linked to social bonding.
Play the grateful game everyday
Make it a habit to eat one meal together everyday and
talk about the positives of your day with each other. No matter how your day
went there would be at least one thing that you can be grateful about. Speaking
words of appreciation, recognizing each other’s positives and demonstrating
gratitude, in thoughtful ways adds to your relationship.
Be grateful for
the little chores that your partner does. One of the greatest needs we have is
the need to feel appreciated. Most of us do pretty well at saying thanks or
giving compliments for the obvious things and we hardly notice the smaller acts.
We need to start noticing the not so obvious things. Learn to say thanks for
the invisible work (things that only get noticed when they don't get done) like,
"Thanks for emptying the bins" or "Thank you for refilling the
soap." Also say thanks for the daily efforts of others like, "Thanks
for cleaning up the kitchen." Tell your spouse you're grateful for her or
him. After a while you will develop the appreciation habit.
It takes two to work to have a happy marriage! There is
no recipe for perfection in marriage, nor a prescription for a fabulous one.
Marriage is just like any living thing; it needs to be nurtured, cared for
until it grows stronger-- not by one, but by two people. Nurture it with time,
love & patience and you’ll love being married.
