“Confidence is
contagious. So is lack of confidence.” Vince Lombardi, American football coach
Some of us
are born with the gift of gab, and others struggle to get three words out of
their mouth in social situations. If that's you, take comfort
in knowing you are far from alone--four out of 10 people consider themselves
shy. But the good news: Shyness can be overcome. With time and effort and a
desire to change, it's possible to break through shyness and enter the world of
confidence.
What is Shyness?
Shyness is the tendency to feel awkward, worried or
tense during social encounters, especially with unfamiliar people. Severely shy
people may have physical symptoms like blushing, sweating, a pounding heart or
upset stomach; negative feelings about themselves; worries about how others
view them; and a tendency to withdraw from social interactions.
According to Royal college of
psychiatrists about five in a hundred people have some degree of social phobia,
with women two or three times more likely to be affected and studies over the
last 12 years show only a third of people with social phobia recover without
intervention, compared to a 95% natural recovery rate for depression and an 80%
rate for panic disorders.
"Social phobia is tragic
and the tragedy is that it's relatively easily treated but most people don't
get treatment," says Professor Ronald Kessler from Harvard Medical School.
Shyness is not a medical or hereditary
problem. It is a behavior pattern which you can change. Being shy is not
necessarily bad and feeling shy from time to time in new situations is OK. It doesn’t
necessarily mean being an introvert or not liking yourself. It means for some
reason you get embarrassed when the spotlight (attention is on you).
Roots of
Shyness
Shyness is generally symptoms of larger problems like weak self-image, lack of belief in
compliments, preoccupied with what people will say about your performance or you
are labelled as shy by others.
The first step in
overcoming a problem is accepting that you have a problem. You have to accept
that you are shy & be comfortable with it. The more you resist it
consciously or unconsciously, the longer it prevails.
Then we need
to figure out what triggers you: What or which situations triggers your shyness most. Do you become shy:
In front of new audience, learning a new skill, venturing into a new situation,
surrounded by people you know & admire or when you don’t know anyone
somewhere? Etc. Definitely you do not feel shy in all situations. You may be
okay around family & friends because you know them better. So try hard to
see strangers as family & friends, meaning it may not be you who is shy but
situations make you shy.
Identifying Symptoms
Then you need to concentrate on conquering the
listOnce the list is completed,
start working through them. Start dealing with the easy situations to boost
your confidence, take it at your own pace, no rush. Try a few times on each one
even if you are successful before you move to the next on the list, don’t worry
about the setbacks.
Make a list of situations that make you feel anxious Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. List them from the things that make you feel the least anxious to those that that cause you the most anxietyAnxiety Situations could be: ‘talking in front of people’ may be a trigger but you can be more specific: Talking in front of those who have authority, talking to those you find attractive, talking to those who are older or talking to those who are more educated than you.
Then you need to concentrate on conquering the
listOnce the list is completed,
start working through them. Start dealing with the easy situations to boost
your confidence, take it at your own pace, no rush. Try a few times on each one
even if you are successful before you move to the next on the list, don’t worry
about the setbacks.Make a list of situations that make you feel anxious Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. List them from the things that make you feel the least anxious to those that that cause you the most anxietyAnxiety Situations could be: ‘talking in front of people’ may be a trigger but you can be more specific: Talking in front of those who have authority, talking to those you find attractive, talking to those who are older or talking to those who are more educated than you.
The key point is to conquer your mindAlways know that you
are the ruler of your mind. Place your attention on others (esp. people you are
familiar with). Concentrate on compassion. Felling sympathetic or even empathetic
helps boost your confidence. Visualize success – Keep your focus on the crown,
the praise & recommendations. Practice good posture – It has the tendency
to boost your confidence. Your body emulates your feeling. Research shows that
good posture makes us feel authoritative, confident & reduces stress. Practice
speaking clearly to yourself – Loving hearing yourself or your own voice (eg.
Record yourself). Practice makes habits. Don’t compare yourself to others –
Develop your own self-esteem and Identify your social values & strengths.
and take advantage of them.
Conquering Social Situations through conversationThink of conversations in stages
Stage 1: Simple opening line, small talk at its finest
Stage 2: Introductions.
Stage 3: Find some common ground, a topic you can both discuss but pick your strengths
Stage 4: Closing – summing up & exchanging information
Start the conversation: Look & act approachable - Keep your smiles visible - Have a friendly attitude - Keep your arms uncrossed - Be polite at all times. Smile & make eye contact.
Even confident people who have the gift of gab do not walk away from social situations making friends, they just have a more fulfilling experience than those who are too shy to talk. Moreover don’t be afraid of rejection. Rejection and failures are part of life. Change your paradigm about these negative words and accept the changes.
Challenge YourselfSet goals for yourself - Focus on small, daily accomplishment and gradually become more daring, find your comfortable zones – place, topic, environment, etc., practice placing yourself in the not-so- comfortable zones, introduce yourself to one new person each day, put yourself out there, try new foods, discover new hobbies, learn about other cultures and read extensively. Remember it is as simple as: Imagine, Act, practice, repeat.
Conquering Social Situations through conversationThink of conversations in stages
Stage 1: Simple opening line, small talk at its finest
Stage 2: Introductions.
Stage 3: Find some common ground, a topic you can both discuss but pick your strengths
Stage 4: Closing – summing up & exchanging information
Start the conversation: Look & act approachable - Keep your smiles visible - Have a friendly attitude - Keep your arms uncrossed - Be polite at all times. Smile & make eye contact.
Even confident people who have the gift of gab do not walk away from social situations making friends, they just have a more fulfilling experience than those who are too shy to talk. Moreover don’t be afraid of rejection. Rejection and failures are part of life. Change your paradigm about these negative words and accept the changes.
Challenge YourselfSet goals for yourself - Focus on small, daily accomplishment and gradually become more daring, find your comfortable zones – place, topic, environment, etc., practice placing yourself in the not-so- comfortable zones, introduce yourself to one new person each day, put yourself out there, try new foods, discover new hobbies, learn about other cultures and read extensively. Remember it is as simple as: Imagine, Act, practice, repeat.
Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown
out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your
heart and intuition. Steve Jobs
