It's a boy!

While we are anxiously waiting for our first grandchild to arrive, I am told over and over again that it is a boy. My son in law wishes for a girl, I prayed for identical twin girls but will be equally delighted with a single one, my daughter has even chosen a girl’s name but how come every person I meet (from our Asian background) is telling me that it is going to be a ‘BOY’. Why?
Despite spending a decade working in Pakistan I still find it hard to digest the male preference. While I try to understand all the reasons for such a preference, I feel disgusted by the makeup of the male dominated society. Male-centric customs and traditions in many countries like Pakistan are commonly practiced and women are made to feel like a nobody without a male companion.

No matter which class you belong to, every family (both father and mother) wants their unborn child to be a son. Baby girls are considered a curse and a financial burden, especially among poor families who find it hard to arrange large dowries when marrying their daughters off whereas boys are expected to fend for their families as soon as they start to earn.
‘Having a girl is a liability and having a boy is an asset.’

The stigmas attached to the birth of a female child is undeniable. Discrimination against girls starts in the womb because she is not particularly a ‘wanted’ child. As soon as she enters the world her journey of subordination starts. It is her father and grandfather who decide on whether she is entitled to an education and to what level. Educating for a career is unlikely. In the most important matter of whom she should marry, she is just told. After her marriage her reins are passed on to her husband and her in laws who decide when she should have a child, how many should she have and whether she should only produce boys. Seeking independent employment for self is a distant dream. When she gets older, her sons decide her fate in the later years of her life. On top of everything around her, the whole society plays the role of the oppressor, domineering her into submission. Thus, the word 'woman' in Pakistan is synonymous with 'endurance'.  She is simply forced to accept certain bare facts of life once she grows up to be a woman.

The status of woman in Islam is something individual, something that has no similarity in any other system. Islam lays importance on the fact that a woman is not inferior to man in any way.

The Quran states:  "O Mankind, keep your duty to your Lord who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate (of same kind) and from them twain has spread a multitude of men and women" (Qur'an 4: 1). 

While many have started to accept the importance of women, the stigmas attached to her very being is still implanted into the subconscious minds of the people. Awareness and freedom to spend one’s life is a basic human right but that very right is denied as men are afraid to lose control. Little do they know that marriage is not about rule and control, it is a partnership between two individuals, it can be established into an extraordinary relationship of trust, friendship and mutual understanding. Honour is glued to a woman’s everyday existence. 

Most of the families having both sons and daughters state that the traditional ways of the society are wrong but little do they do to bring about a change. If we just start to celebrate the birth of our girls, how wonderful a girl child would feel when she is accepted and celebrated. It would be remarkable to educate every child irrespective of their sex. How phenomenal it would be if while arranging marriages, we start to treat the girl families the way, we would like to be treated. It might mean doing the opposite of what we do today but it will save a lot of hassles for the girl and their families. How remarkable to be giving education and books as a dowry. It is the boy and his family who need to start turning the clocks around as being untraditional is not appreciated in a girl’s family. The hardships of an unfortunate widow or a divorced woman are at the highest. Rather than helping them to cope with their miseries, they are blamed for their misfortunes.
While I am anxiously waiting for my grand-child to enter the world, I have decided to celebrate a girl the way my country people celebrate the birth of a boy. I will continue to wave my untraditional flags hoping for a change, not championing for a Woman’s world but for better world.