Lessons I learnt from my dad

                              ‘Fathers are the silent heroes of our life.’

We only realize the importance of parents when we become parents ourselves and we appreciate our fathers more when we marry. While mothers hold the fort together, fathers bring home the real world experiences and values that leave blue prints for us to follow. Mother who brings us up physically and morally, it is our father’s presence that fulfills and nourishes our emotional and social sides.

My father, my real hero has always been a man of less words but more action. Despite a life full of upheavals he hardly complained and turned his turmoil to success. His life lessons are not only enduring but remarkably practical.

Spending and working for more than ten years at his self-founded educational trust taught me leadership skills that have shaped my career and personality alike. I am the product of his teachings and I am proud of it.

Lesson No 1: You are not just a girl

My parents only had four girls. Coming from a Pakistani background, that is a cultural and a social stigma. While the whole family, friends and the neighborhood made it a frequent habit to mention it to my parents that they didn’t have a boy, my dad used to tell us that we were very important to him and to the world. The final lesson of the day used to be, you can do anything you want, just study and do the right thing. His words have always helped me to face the world as a person and not just a woman.

Lesson No 2: Educate yourself to change yourself and the world
Learning has always been my dad’s passion. He believes that life is a gift and once we understand that we should pass it on to others. He has been one of the most influential teachers in my childhood. He balanced being a liberal, yet holding and teaching us the conservative values of the two different cultures. He picked up the best of the Western values and blended them with his national and cultural values enriching not only our lives but the lives of thousands of people around him.

Lesson No 3: Be kind to everyone
Anyone who has ever met my dad would definitely attribute kindness to his personality. It is typical for an Asian man to be authoritative. My dad was the opposite. He never raised his voice even when he was angry. His empathy for people turned him into a legacy. When I used to get irritated at people lying and taking advantage of his kindness, he used to turn around and say: ‘We are lucky that we are in a position to help people, if they come to us for help and we can’t help them, use kind words. Sometimes that is the only thing they need.’ Kindness never went unrewarded for him.

Lesson No 4: Honesty is the best policy
I remember many of my dad’s friends and family members sending him almost all their life savings to him, to invest. He not only invested other’s people’s money but went to certain lengths to make it grow. Many families have benefitted from his actions. When people asked him what would he get in return, his answer was, ‘I am lucky that people trust me with their money, it proves to me and others that I an honest man.’ He used to tell us, ‘Do not cheat people, it will only let you down.’

Lesson No 5: The only way to success is passionate and consistent hard work
We all know that there is no short cut to success. Dad believed in finding the passion in what he did. He challenged us and his staff and students alike to learn what we found difficult, to repeat and practice what we wanted to do, to love the process of what we did and then let the results take care of itself.

Lesson No 6: The more you give, the more you get
No one has ever gone poor by giving. My dad was always a giver. He derived his happiness from giving, by sharing his wealth, his time, his resources and his experiences. Whoever came to him for help, always received some kind of help. His life is an example of the kindness boomerang effect, whatever goes around comes around.

Lesson No 7: The best gift to give someone is knowledge
If you want to give charity, educate a child. If you want to buy a gift for someone, buy a book. If you want to invest, invest in education. The first gift he bought me was a book and he used to read it to me almost every day. It is his life that made me understand: ‘Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; show him how to catch a fish and you feed him for a life time.’

Lesson No 8:  Don’t leave an inheritance, leave a legacy
My dad never said so in so many words but his actions have always been louder than his words. When we were growing up, he set up an educational charity in his local community to educate the girls and then he poured all life earnings and savings in there. According to my dad’s will, the self-financing charity that he has set up cannot be dissolved and will continue to run. Fortunately, my sisters and I are in a position to support and continue his dream and legacy rather than being dependant on any kind of inheritance, all because he invested his time and effort towards our education.

I am very proud that my dad is not only a father for me and my siblings but his efforts and his charitable trust that he has set up will continue to lighten up the path of thousands of children.

Thank you, dear dad

For teaching us life skills, for ensuring the health and well-being of your 4 daughters and for giving us values that we can pass on to our future generation.

Finally, on this Father’s day, it is important to recognize the silent heroes of our life and to say, ‘Thank you, you have been a great dad’. They are the ones who have made our lives worth living.

Happy father’s day to all the great dads around the world.  

'That was when the world wasn't so big and I could see everywhere. It was when my father was a hero and not a human,'   Markus Zusak, The Messenger

                     

Far from the madding crowd

Far from the madding crowd

In today’s digitally connected world there is hardly any part of the world that we feel are out of touch. Updating statuses is just a part of our digital natives’ lives just like brushing their teeth. For digital immigrants like us we also feel a sense of belonging when we are somewhat ‘Connected’. It is not a matter of choice any longer, it is a matter of need now. Willingly or unwillingly we are to adopt the ways of the world.

Being a digital immigrant, I survive and thrive on the internet despite claiming that I am not addicted. When we all decided to get away for the weekend, the last minute plans ended up in the beautiful dales and hills of the Kentmere village in Cumbria, north of England. As we enjoyed the serenity and calmness of the dales, the melodious twittering & chirping of the birds, the sight of the little soft white lambs, we still noticed the dropping phone and internet signals. We pacified ourselves thinking if the Tanzanian safaris, the great barrier reef and the atlantic skies are connected, it seems odd that any place in UK would be living away from the world.

Reaching the valley, the first thing we all looked for was the ‘Wi Fi’, that’s how our brains function now. I went next door to ask and the man simply answered, ‘We don’t have internet or mobile phone connections, you have to climb the top of the hill or drive back to the centre, to get connected.’ His face and body language depicted tranquility and his laid back attitude was fully in tune with his surroundings.  

The youngsters all panicked, they were more worried about connecting to their friends than being joyful about being connected to nature. As half of my brain quickly thought about how will my office contact me, the better half told me it is a blessing in disguise as I will have an abundance of time to absorb the sights and smells of the natural beauty that we usually fail to understand.

We all went up the hill, most with the intention of ‘connecting’ and a few to see the valley from the top. Sitting at the top I did think that the dozen or so households living in the valley must be knowing what they are missing, there would definitely be a reason of them staying away from the madding crowd.

Life sometimes gets so rushed that we hardly get time to think calmly, everything we think and do is digital. The truth is if I knew that the cottage we are renting will not be connected, I would not have given it a second thought but I do believe that blessings do come in disguises. The weekend together with our digital children was spent playing board games and bonding without any worries of checking our phones every now and then. It taught us to switch off, limit the addiction and condition our brains to think independently.

We are digitally connected but physically and spiritually disconnected from nature. Given the choice would I suggest living away from the Madding crowd- definitely a yes, for at least a week once a year to refresh and enlighten our brains and souls.

Seven days, part time disconnection, far away from the madding crowd, relieved to get back to the real world but mentally and spiritually refreshed.

Beatrix Potter stated, “One place suits one person, another place suits another person.”

I long for the tranquil world of Beatrix Potter & Wordsworth but can't stay away from the madding crowd.