Saturday, 4 August 2018

Enjoying nature to become healthier and happier


    Enjoying nature to become healthier and happier

So true how our 21st C lives have been summarized as such:
“We live in a box, we work in a box. We look at a box all day.”

As the warm weather is here it is a great time to get back out in nature and get nurtured. Spending time outdoors keeps our immune system strong, increases creativity, helps treat depression and anxiety, gives us an energy boost and helps us to sleep peacefully. The best thing about spending time with nature is that it does not cost us anything. We don’t need to go on expensive, luxury holidays to seek nature, it is found in our backyard, in a park around the corner and in the world around us, we just need to pay a little attention.


 How does nature make us healthier & Happier:
Trees keep us healthy and happy
University of Chicago researchers discovered that living in areas with lots of trees makes us both mentally and physcically healthier. In fact, the study found that the more trees a street had, the healthier its residents were. The several reasons the researchers put forward include cleaner air as trees filter our pollution. The greenery of the trees is also naturally calming to humans.
Spending time outdoors keeps your immune system strong
A little dirt never hurts, in fact it heals. Research suggests that early exposure to a wide variety of bacteria from grass, dust and dirt creates a stronger immune system later in life. Getting a moderate amount of sun can boost your vitamin D levels, which are crucial for a strong immune system and helps our body to fight illness.
Spending time in nature increases creativity
Walking is the best time when creativity gets a boost. In fact, a 2012 study demonstrated that hikers became 50 percent more creative after spending four days in nature. A walk in the woods or near a stream is enough to keep our creativity running for a week.

“When I was a child, my grandmother told me that the sky speaks to those who look and listen to it. She said, 'In the sky there are always answers and explanations for everything: every pain, every suffering, joy, and confusion.' That night I wanted the sky to talk to me.”
                        A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier

 Nature gives us an energy boost
Creativity isn’t the only trait that nature enhances. Research suggests that time spent in nature may also increase both physical and mental energy. For the series of studies, published in the Journal of Environmental Psychology, researchers led participants through exercises like 15-minute walks through indoor and outdoor settings, various visualizations of natural and non-nature related imagery, and viewing images of buildings and natural landscapes. The researchers found that out of all the different experiments, participants consistently felt more energetic when they spent time in nature or visualized themselves doing so. Even imagining natural surroundings allows us to benefit from nature.
Spending time outdoors helps treat depression and anxiety
A Stanford University study found that a walk in natural environments helped decrease negativity which leads to depression. It lifts our moods and lessens our anxieties as well.

How to make the most of natural environments:
Do some green exercises. Pick up your yoga mat and take it outside. Take in the fresh air as you breathe. Smell, see and hear what is around you. Stretch like a panther, cat
Slow down. Practice the art of mindfulness,
 simply being present, appreciating of the beauty around you. Immerse all your senses in the present moment, enjoying the gentle breeze against your skin, the aroma of the flowers in bloom and the beauty of the blue sky or shapes of the clouds as they pass by.




Make an excuse for exercises, think of getting up as keeping healthy.
Go for a walk on your lunch break.
Walk to the station.
If you don’t use public transport, leave the car at home for a day and walk to get on the public transport.
When you go shopping, try parking further away from the centre deliberately, and walk.
Talk to the clouds, look for the shapes in them.

Enjoy some sunshine.
Sun exposure produces vitamin D, which helps build strong bones.Vitamin D also contributes to a healthy immune system, fighting colds, the flu, chronic disease, and even some types of cancer. Natural light also helps to lifts our mood and prevents depression. Don’t be afraid to sit in the sun. It will help lift our spirits and benefit our physical and mental health.  




Learn to choose healthier and fresh foods.
Eat seasonal fruits and vegetables
Make fresh salads without any dressings, try the real taste of the fruits and vegetables.
Replace your give up foods for one fresh seasonal fruit or vegetable
Eating healthy is a habit
Stop buying junk food, you pay money to buy spoil your health
Try new recipes, make food look presentable

Learn techniques to sleep luxuriously.
Try going to bed 30 minutes earlier than normal--that little extra time may be what you need to feel more rested. Switch off your mobiles 30 minutes before going to bed
Lounge around in bed 1 day a week. 

Get into the habit of hydrating.
Water has no side effects, drink plenty of it, it helps us to stay hydrated. If you don’t like water add some flavor to drink more.
Make lemonades, cocktails, mocktails, different juices, smoothies and sip luxuriously while watching the clouds.


Have a lot of fun by making new friends and unwind.
Friends can be made anywhere at any age. You can learn from everyone and in every situation. Keep an open mind and make friends. You don’t have to stick to your age, gender or social class. Talk to people where ever you go, even at the gym or park. Find similar interests. Don’t be afraid to feel like a fool, start a conversation.Challenge yourself and make a friend who is very different to you ( different race, different religion, who speaks another language)
Show interest in other people.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven't yet met.’

Good for nature, good for you
 “If we can help people to connect with nature, that’s not just good for them, its great news for nature,” said The Wildlife Trust’s Lucy McRobert. Because, she explains, the more people that care intrinsically for their local environment and value the positive impact it has on their own lives, the more they’ll want to protect it from destruction.


Tuesday, 11 July 2017






50 life lessons

“With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.”
                                                                                 
William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice


While my friends have started to send me aunt acid’s jokes and I have been officially been welcomed to the grandma’s club, the most common question I am asked is how do I feel on getting older. Being half a century old and becoming a grandmother are attributes to be called ‘old’ but for me age is just a number. I have certainly acquired some wisdom highlights over the years but not guaranteeing any intelligence whatsoever. I would jump to go to Disney world any time of the year and cuddly toys are still my very favourite possessions. While my life has been fairly beautiful, it certainly has given me moments that brought me to a deeper understanding of the world.
I can’t deny the fact that five decades gave me many powerful lessons to live by.
So fifty and counting:

      1.     Life passes too quickly. Cherish every moment.
      2.     Live in the present. What you have today might not last till tomorrow. 
      3.   Stop living your life for other people. Live it for yourself. You are the most important person in your life.
      4.   Fear of public opinion is the biggest fear of life. Get rid of it.
      5.  You can’t please everyone all the time. Try to please yourself for a change.
      6.  Never be afraid of following your heart even if it means being silly.
      7.  Everyone around you will not love you or like you so stop trying to be liked and loved. Be yourself.
      8.  Nobody cares what labels you wear. Wear what you like. Set your own trends.
      9.  Follow your heart but don’t forget that you have a brain.
     10. You were born with a purpose. Find it. Live it. 

    11. The most important person that you have to please is yourself.
    12. Don’t take everything personally. Be your biggest supporter and critic.
     13. Simplicity is often the best policy.
     14. The best gift to give and receive is a book. Read at least one book every month.
     15. The best attitude to have is a smile.
     16. Read something positive every day.
     17. Marry for life, not for falling in love at the first sight.
     18. Make your life partner your best friend.
     19. Spend more time with your spouse than your phone.
     20. Your kids are not you. Let them live their own life.
     21. Live life without regrets. You are in full control of your life.
     22. There are no failures in life, there are misfortunes which are like stepping stones, they are signs to take another path.
    23. Most of the learning takes place on the path to your destination. Enjoy the journey without rushing to reach your destination.
    24. It is the journey that gives us the experience, not the destination.
    25. Do not hoard or keep your treasured possessions for tomorrow. Use them today. Life is too short. With time either you will lose interest or the things will age.
    26. Give and help without expecting anything in return.
    27. Visualizing success and having a certain amount of faith never lets you down.
    28. We don’t need a degree to master the art of happiness. Let it sprout.
    29. Make your mind your servant and not your boss.
    30. Be open to learning. Learn from everyone, everything and everywhere.
    31. Learn the art of listening.
    32. Being kind is always better than being right.
    33. Love your partner to death but develop the strength to live without them.
    34. Give yourself time.
    35. Exercise your mind and soul like you exercise your body.
    36. Physical work keeps you fit.
    37. Start to enjoy what you really hate. It will improve the quality of your life.
    38. Stop worrying about the ‘What Ifs’. What if it doesn’t happen?
    39. Dream and it will start. Believe and it will happen.
    40. Switch your mobile off at night.
    41. Do not forget to play the grateful game every day.
    42. Never judge people, it only complicates relationships.
    43. Don’t expect anything from anyone.
    44. Life is a gift. Treat it like one.
    45. You don’t have to wait for happy moments, create your own happiness.46. Acknowledge that we are only in control of certain things.47. Being nice doesn’t mean that I will always be treated nicely, the world is full of unfairness and I will get a share of it. That should not stop us from being nice.48. Learn the art of giving, it is much more joyful than receiving.50. We are as brave as we feel it.

So here’s to 5 decades, 50 years, 600 months, 2,600 weeks, 18,262 days, 438,228 hours, 26,297,280 minutes and 1,557,836,800 seconds.






Monday, 6 February 2017

Happily Ever After


No marriage is a bed of roses. Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner. I am sure you would have all heard that happily ever after is not the conclusion of a marriage, it is a choice that you make.There will be good times and difficult times in this relationship but with love, patience and courage one can overcome these difficulties. The more time one spends on their marriage the better it will be. If we think love and relationship will fall into our lap then we are wrong. Love is a VERB, one has to learn how to give it and with time it will grow. Love is something you do; the sacrifices you make, the giving of self.
Love and respect is like boomerang. It is something that will get back automatically if you give it unconditionally even if you don’t ask for it.
Marriage like anything else needs nourishing and there are certain reminders and rules that will help to revive our relationship.

Make your partner your best friend
Communication is the key to any relationship but is the binding for any marriage. Whatever happens communicate openly. Never listen to what a 3rd person said about you two. Make your partner your best friend. Friends are the best people to live with and they understand your short comings, give you credit where it’s due and criticize you rightly. At the end of your day share how you spent the day, ask your spouse how they spent the day, show interest in what’s important for them. Don’t assume that your partner understands all your moods, men usually wouldn’t even notice that their wife is unhappy. They need to be told.
According to John Gottman, Ph.D, a psychologist: 
"It is the simple truth that happy marriages are based on deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for each other's company, plus an intimate knowledge of each other's quirks, likes and dislikes.” 
Ask yourself if you would treat a friend the way you sometimes treat your spouse. Would you criticize or put down? Would you always be trying to change them? Sometimes if we treated our friends the way we treat our spouse, we wouldn't have many friends. Make your spouse your best friend and the most important person in the world to you. Work to make him or her happy rather than better. Nurture that friendship by doing some of the things suggested here. You know yourself and your spouse best, so think of other ways you can strengthen your friendship and your marriage. With some effort and creativity, you can keep your spouse as your best friend for life!

Remember it only takes two to tango
Never let anyone interfere in your relationship, marriage is a 2 way relationship, there is no space for a third one, never allow a 3rd person to enter your relationship even if they are your parents. You are the only one who knows your partner more than anyone. Your parents know your spouse as a 3rd person and no matter what you do, your actions will always be justified and preferred over your partner’s. Keep your relationship stresses to yourself.

Pay attention to each other
Do not take each other for granted. Never ignore each other at a function or meeting. Take time out to glance and smile at each in social gatherings. have extreme respect for each other. Call each other with respect at home and in front of others. it will not only make you feel happier but will help other people to pick up relationship vibes. It is well known that children learn to love from their parents and the best gift a father can give to his children is to love their mother. 

Find similar interests
No two people are alike in this world, if a couple tells you they are very much alike they mean they have developed similar likings and it takes time. If one likes black & the other likes white the relationship will work better as differences will bring a variety to the relationship. Just accept and love the way the other one is. Learn to do things together. You might not enjoy the activities of your spouse but the time you spend together will help to build a better relationship. Learn to love your spouse activities, variety helps you to develop yourself and your relationship.
Make time for fun. Having fun together is essential to keeping the glow going in your marriage. In your busy lives, that may take a little planning. Some things continue to be fun, but others may get to be boring. Add to the fun things you do in your marriage. Try and shake up the familiar patterns. You and your spouse can each make a list of fun activities you like to do. Choose one thing from your spouse's list. Have them choose one from yours. Schedule the activities. Each spouse takes responsibility to plan the activity chosen from the partner's list. Make the scheduled activities a priority.


Get rid of your EGO
Ego is the worst enemy of a happy marriage. It decreases your respect in the eyes of your spouse and everyone else. If there is an argument let your spouse to win the argument. No one is superior in this relationship. Never sleep or get out of house if there has been an argument or a misunderstanding. Cool your head, sit and talk without bringing up the past or your in-laws. Remember honesty is the best policy. Never hesitate in an apology if you have made a mistake. Your relationship is far more important than your ego and your actions should show so. Forgive and forget each other’s mistakes, nobody is perfect.
Try not to hurt, threat or blame each other. It decreases your emotional bank account.
Stephen Covey introduced the term emotional bank account as an account of trust instead of money. It’s an account based on how safe we feel with another person. The emotional units that Covey speaks of are centered around trust. When we make emotional deposits into someone’s bank account, their fondness, trust, and confidence in us grows. And as a result our relationship develops and grows. If we can keep a positive reserve in our relationships, by making regular deposits, there will be greater tolerance for our mistakes and we’ll enjoy open communication with that person. On the contrary, when we make withdrawals and our balance becomes low or even overdrawn, bitterness, mistrust and discord develops. If we are to salvage the relationship, we must make a conscious effort to make regular deposits.


Keep each other informed about your where about
If a partner is coming home late due to some reason you must call home and let your spouse know why will you be late. Plan ahead so that each other’s families commitments can be met.  

Develop each other mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally
Get into the habit of exercising together. Read and share books, inspirational stories and anecdotes. Encourage and help each other to grow together. It brings synergy to the relationship. Growth of both partners leads to the synergistic equation: 1 plus 1 equals 11. When this equation is applied, the 'me' perspective morphs into the universal 'we' condition. The result is that every effort happens exponentially for the common good. 
Help each other in right things and don’t support in wrong and anti-moral activities. Develop mutual sense of values, they will go a long way.  

Never allow your family or friends to speak against your spouse.
Husband and wife are the greatest asset to each other, take care of your greatest asset. Whatever you say about your spouse will be the unwritten law by which the family will deal with them. Being one unit you don’t want anyone to speak ill of your best friend. If you are angry with your partner, keep everyone else away from your argument. One ill word from your mouth will foster up a whole new disease without you knowing. Share your best moments with everyone.

Your relationship is unique, don’t compare it with anyone else’s
Your friend seems to have the perfect partner and you start to tell your partner that they need to be like so and so. The relationship that you see from a distance might seem to be ideal but your own relationship is special in so many other ways. Learn to improve your relationship without bringing a third person in. Partners never like to be compared to someone else.
If men forget birthdays and anniversaries (most of the husbands never remember these dates) don’t spoil your precious day, take the initiative yourself. Women tend to sulk and spoil their most memorable moments and stress that their friend’s partners are so much more romantic than theirs. Adopt the ways that you want to see in your partner and tell them what you would like.

Rekindle your love             

The courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years. Make it a ritual to spend your anniversaries as anni-moons. Go away together for at least a couple of days to rekindle your love. Leave your kids with your parents. Have a candle light dinner once a week only with each other. Every night before sleeping say, ‘I love you’ and ‘good night’ with a kiss. Make it a habit to hug each other at least once a day. Give small surprises. Make a cup of tea, a note of I love you, take a gift e.g. a rose, or make a nice phone call. Don’t wait for specific days it doesn’t cost much but the effect is tremendous.
Give unconditional love without demand. If one doesn’t say I love you, other one can say so.
According to Huffington post, ‘When we embrace someone, oxytocin (also known as 'the cuddle hormone') is released making us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. this chemical has also been linked to social bonding.


Play the grateful game everyday
Make it a habit to eat one meal together everyday and talk about the positives of your day with each other. No matter how your day went there would be at least one thing that you can be grateful about. Speaking words of appreciation, recognizing each other’s positives and demonstrating gratitude, in thoughtful ways adds to your relationship.
Be grateful for the little chores that your partner does. One of the greatest needs we have is the need to feel appreciated. Most of us do pretty well at saying thanks or giving compliments for the obvious things and we hardly notice the smaller acts. We need to start noticing the not so obvious things. Learn to say thanks for the invisible work (things that only get noticed when they don't get done) like, "Thanks for emptying the bins" or "Thank you for refilling the soap." Also say thanks for the daily efforts of others like, "Thanks for cleaning up the kitchen." Tell your spouse you're grateful for her or him. After a while you will develop the appreciation habit.

It takes two to work to have a happy marriage! There is no recipe for perfection in marriage, nor a prescription for a fabulous one. Marriage is just like any living thing; it needs to be nurtured, cared for until it grows stronger-- not by one, but by two people. Nurture it with time, love & patience and you’ll love being married.

Monday, 28 November 2016

From Shy to Why



      “Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence.” Vince Lombardi, American football coach
 



Some of us are born with the gift of gab, and others struggle to get three words out of their mouth in social situations. If that's you, take comfort in knowing you are far from alone--four out of 10 people consider themselves shy. But the good news: Shyness can be overcome. With time and effort and a desire to change, it's possible to break through shyness and enter the world of confidence.

                                                  What is Shyness?
Shyness is the tendency to feel awkward, worried or tense during social encounters, especially with unfamiliar people. Severely shy people may have physical symptoms like blushing, sweating, a pounding heart or upset stomach; negative feelings about themselves; worries about how others view them; and a tendency to withdraw from social interactions. 
According to Royal college of psychiatrists about five in a hundred people have some degree of social phobia, with women two or three times more likely to be affected and studies over the last 12 years show only a third of people with social phobia recover without intervention, compared to a 95% natural recovery rate for depression and an 80% rate for panic disorders.
"Social phobia is tragic and the tragedy is that it's relatively easily treated but most people don't get treatment," says Professor Ronald Kessler from Harvard Medical School.
Shyness is not a medical or hereditary problem. It is a behavior pattern which you can change. Being shy is not necessarily bad and feeling shy from time to time in new situations is OK. It doesn’t necessarily mean being an introvert or not liking yourself. It means for some reason you get embarrassed when the spotlight (attention is on you).
Roots of Shyness
Shyness is generally symptoms of larger problems like weak self-image,  lack of belief in compliments, preoccupied with what people will say about your performance or you are labelled as shy by others.
The first step in overcoming a problem is accepting that you have a problem. You have to accept that you are shy & be comfortable with it. The more you resist it consciously or unconsciously, the longer it prevails.
Then we need to figure out what triggers you: What or which situations triggers your shyness most. Do you become shy: In front of new audience, learning a new skill, venturing into a new situation, surrounded by people you know & admire or when you don’t know anyone somewhere? Etc. Definitely you do not feel shy in all situations. You may be okay around family & friends because you know them better. So try hard to see strangers as family & friends, meaning it may not be you who is shy but situations make you shy.

Identifying SymptomsThen you need to concentrate on conquering the listOnce the list is completed, start working through them. Start dealing with the easy situations to boost your confidence, take it at your own pace, no rush. Try a few times on each one even if you are successful before you move to the next on the list, don’t worry about the setbacks.
Make a list of situations that make you feel anxious Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. List them from the things that make you feel the least anxious to those that that cause you the most anxietyAnxiety Situations could be: ‘talking in front of people’ may be a trigger but you can be more specific: Talking in front of those who have authority, talking to those you find attractive, talking to those who are older or talking to those who are more educated than you.

The key point is to conquer your mindAlways know that you are the ruler of your mind. Place your attention on others (esp. people you are familiar with). Concentrate on compassion. Felling sympathetic or even empathetic helps boost your confidence. Visualize success – Keep your focus on the crown, the praise & recommendations. Practice good posture – It has the tendency to boost your confidence. Your body emulates your feeling. Research shows that good posture makes us feel authoritative, confident & reduces stress. Practice speaking clearly to yourself – Loving hearing yourself or your own voice (eg. Record yourself). Practice makes habits. Don’t compare yourself to others – Develop your own self-esteem and Identify your social values & strengths. and take advantage of them.
Conquering Social Situations through conversationThink of conversations in stages
Stage 1: Simple opening line, small talk at its finest
Stage 2: Introductions.
Stage 3: Find some common ground, a topic you can both discuss but pick your strengths
Stage 4: Closing – summing up & exchanging information
Start the conversation: Look & act approachable - Keep your smiles visible - Have a friendly attitude - Keep your arms uncrossed - Be polite at all times. Smile & make eye contact.
Even confident people who have the gift of gab do not walk away from social situations making friends, they just have a more fulfilling experience than those who are too shy to talk. Moreover don’t be afraid of rejection. Rejection and failures are part of life. Change your paradigm about these negative words and accept the changes.
Challenge YourselfSet goals for yourself - Focus on small, daily accomplishment and gradually become more daring, find your comfortable zones – place, topic, environment, etc., practice placing yourself in the not-so- comfortable zones, introduce yourself to one new person each day, put yourself out there, try new foods, discover new hobbies, learn about other cultures and read extensively. Remember it is as simple as: Imagine, Act, practice, repeat.


Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. Steve Jobs

Go after what you want in life, don’t let your shyness hold you back any longer!






Monday, 31 October 2016

It's a boy!

While we are anxiously waiting for our first grandchild to arrive, I am told over and over again that it is a boy. My son in law wishes for a girl, I prayed for identical twin girls but will be equally delighted with a single one, my daughter has even chosen a girl’s name but how come every person I meet (from our Asian background) is telling me that it is going to be a ‘BOY’. Why?
Despite spending a decade working in Pakistan I still find it hard to digest the male preference. While I try to understand all the reasons for such a preference, I feel disgusted by the makeup of the male dominated society. Male-centric customs and traditions in many countries like Pakistan are commonly practiced and women are made to feel like a nobody without a male companion.
No matter which class you belong to, every family (both father and mother) wants their unborn child to be a son. Baby girls are considered a curse and a financial burden, especially among poor families who find it hard to arrange large dowries when marrying their daughters off whereas boys are expected to fend for their families as soon as they start to earn.
‘Having a girl is a liability and having a boy is an asset.’
The stigmas attached to the birth of a female child is undeniable. Discrimination against girls starts in the womb because she is not particularly a ‘wanted’ child. As soon as she enters the world her journey of subordination starts. It is her father and grandfather who decide on whether she is entitled to an education and to what level. Educating for a career is unlikely. In the most important matter of whom she should marry, she is just told. After her marriage her reins are passed on to her husband and her in laws who decide when she should have a child, how many should she have and whether she should only produce boys. Seeking independent employment for self is a distant dream. When she gets older, her sons decide her fate in the later years of her life. On top of everything around her, the whole society plays the role of the oppressor, domineering her into submission. Thus, the word 'woman' in Pakistan is synonymous with 'endurance'.  She is simply forced to accept certain bare facts of life once she grows up to be a woman.
The status of woman in Islam is something individual, something that has no similarity in any other system. Islam lays importance on the fact that a woman is not inferior to man in any way.

The Quran states:  "O Mankind, keep your duty to your Lord who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate (of same kind) and from them twain has spread a multitude of men and women" (Qur'an 4: 1). 


While many have started to accept the importance of women, the stigmas attached to her very being is still implanted into the subconscious minds of the people. Awareness and freedom to spend one’s life is a basic human right but that very right is denied as men are afraid to lose control. Little do they know that marriage is not about rule and control, it is a partnership between two individuals, it can be established into an extraordinary relationship of trust, friendship and mutual understanding. Honour is glued to a woman’s everyday existence. 

Most of the families having both sons and daughters state that the traditional ways of the society are wrong but little do they do to bring about a change. If we just start to celebrate the birth of our girls, how wonderful a girl child would feel when she is accepted and celebrated. It would be remarkable to educate every child irrespective of their sex. How phenomenal it would be if while arranging marriages, we start to treat the girl families the way, we would like to be treated. It might mean doing the opposite of what we do today but it will save a lot of hassles for the girl and their families. How remarkable to be giving education and books as a dowry. It is the boy and his family who need to start turning the clocks around as being untraditional is not appreciated in a girl’s family. The hardships of an unfortunate widow or a divorced woman are at the highest. Rather than helping them to cope with their miseries, they are blamed for their misfortunes.
While I am anxiously waiting for my grand-child to enter the world, I have decided to celebrate a girl the way my country people celebrate the birth of a boy. I will continue to wave my untraditional flags hoping for a change, not championing for a Woman’s world but for better world. 

Sunday, 24 July 2016



                       The Gratifying Grateful Game





In such a changing digital world where we are bombarded by multiple gadgets, we feel the need to follow the crowd and be a part of it. We hardly get time to pause, breathe and enjoy what we have. Time is something that is always short and as my hair are streaking silver by passing days, I realize how mundane many things are, that we once considered a must have. Being ordinary human beings, we can’t sell our ferraris and all our other worldly possessions and follow into the monk’s footsteps. It might seem that technology is turning us into busy bodies but it is up to us how we handle it.
About a year ago my daughter introduced a game to us calling it ‘the grateful game’. As a family of four (my crazy self, my loving husband, my cheerful daughter & my wise son) made it a habit to play the grateful game after our evening prayers and dinner together. We would ask each other, ‘What are you grateful for today?’ The interesting part is that no matter how our days went, we always found something that we were really grateful for and that has started to build. Luckily we acquired a too good to be true, son-in-law who is also a part of our grateful game. Since my daughter moved away to live happily ever after, we call her while we sit at the dinner table, to carry on the game.
Since we have been playing the game, we have discovered that there are innumerable things in a single day that we can be grateful for, we just don’t pay attention. Sometimes it is a simple gesture like a smile from someone that we acknowledge and then we carry it all day with us. I believe that every gesture attracts a similar gesture. Kindness thrives on kindness. Last week, as I was walking to the train station, the weather just played up and within minutes I was half drenched, I was half way between the tube station and my place so I decided the rain to stop under a tree. A kind stranger who live on the other side of the road, brought his umbrella insisted that I either take his umbrella
or sit inside his house. I was so touched by his kindness that I left him my birthday chocolate cake that I was carrying. Eating chocolate has always made me happier but that day parting from my chocolate cake gave me a double chocolatey feeling. Now that stranger is on my Christmas gift list.
It just reminds me of a story I read many years ago:
One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from the trip, the father asked his son, “How was the trip?” “It was great, Dad”.  “Did you see how poor people live?” the father asked. “Oh yes”, said the son.
“So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father. The son answered:
“I saw that we have one dog and they had four. “We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden and they have a creek that has no end. “We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. “Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
“We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. “We buy our food, but they grow theirs. “We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.”
The boy’s father was speechless. Then his son added:
“Thanks, Dad for showing me how poor we are.”
People keep telling me that I am lucky to have a perfect family, understanding in-laws, jolly good friends, happy employees, satisfied students and a great place to live. Agreed, I am lucky because I don’t go into perfection of pleasing people, I please myself by doing the right things and people around me help me to achieve that. My family might not approve of everything I do or say, my in-laws might find me annoying sometimes, my employees might not agree with my decisions, my students might not understand what I talk about but all these disagreements are adding to my learning.
Today I am grateful that I am learning to see the difficulties s stepping stones. I invite you all to introduce the grateful game in your life, in your family and friend’s lives and help them see how many things we ignore to acknowledge.
‘If you have food in your fridge, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of the world. If you have money in the bank, your wallet, and some spare change you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.
If you woke up this morning with more health than illness you are more blessed than the million people who will not survive this week. If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the agony of imprisonment or torture, or the horrible pangs of starvation you are luckier than 500 million people alive and suffering. If you can read this message you are more fortunate than 3 billion people in the world who cannot read it at all.’